accomplished twins. life is a go
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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