I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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