Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
