take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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