eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The air taste purple.
Randomize
