Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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