Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize