If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
