Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
