recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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