I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
