Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
