She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
