you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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