her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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