coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
