ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
