I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
