I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I need moral support for this bender
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
