I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
