you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
