Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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