If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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