So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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