well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
