We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
