I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
