Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
