Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
