And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
