youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
