so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
