Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
