This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the day after is always just damage control
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
