are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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