GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
