where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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