I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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