My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
oh god was she eating orange peels again
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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