Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
