You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
