glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize