It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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