so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
