Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
