oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
