does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
