apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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