I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
