moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
