the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
