The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
