no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
