He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
