He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
