Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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