his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
