did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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