if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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