The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
