Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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