That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
