Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
