I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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