Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize