What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
