so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
