It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
