Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
