Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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