AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
