need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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