I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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