he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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