Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
