I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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